A Wet and Wild Songkran, Day 1: The Billionaire's Party
Getting drenched and dancing to K-pop as Thailand's new year celebrations begin, Queen Nazz and I rock out at Khun Tan's property empire.
We were soaking wet, dancing to the music of Thailand's homegrown K-pop star Lisa and the group Blackpink in the public square of Think Park. We'd already been shot with water guns all day, had buckets of water poured on our heads and down our shirts, and hit with streams of ice-cold water launched across the street. Then, we were being drenched by a constant stream of water that was being shot at us by the three gunners manning water cannons that could spray everyone within 40 meters of the stage. There comes a point when you are already so wet that no amount of additional water will make you wetter.
It was Songkran Eve. Songkran, a three-day-long festival celebrated in Thailand, Myanmar, Laos, Cambodia, and Southern Yunnan, is the celebration of the new year and the start of the summer. For tourists and Thai party animals alike, it is a time to go crazy, drinking, dancing, and joining in large-scale water gun fights.
I've always loved Queen Nazz's big, healthy boobs that just overflow from anything she wears. I can't wait to see what they are going to look like at the end of this day.
“I’m not wearing a bra,” she said as we were getting ready. “Too heavy when wet.”
Nazz and I were headed to Think Park, an outdoor mall with bars, restaurants, and craft stores, on Friday, the first day of Songkran. We began walking up the canal street that surrounds Chiang Mai's old city.
The street was packed. Families and groups of friends crowded into the backs of pickup trucks with beers to drink and vessels of water and ice with which to fill the buckets and guns they used to assault those on the street and in rival cars. Motorbikes were driven by young couples and friends who were resigned--neigh, happy--to look forward to a day of getting drenched over and over again with water from plastic buckets.
Women in their fecund years jumped aboard motorbikes together, two or three to a bike, showing off their bodies in revealing swimsuits that quickly became soaked. A couple of asshole young men in modded-out motorcycles they'd acquired to compensate for something they lacked revved their engines loudly, not going anywhere, and reveled in the boos they drew from the pedestrian crowd.
The pedestrians moved on the sides of the sidewalks, which were covered with vendors selling guns, beverages, and snacks, or on the street. (You can walk faster than the autos are typically driving.) They shot anyone they could see. Everyone was full of energy on the first day--energy that would be drained as the holiday dragged on from midday til midnight.
We jumped into a songthaew--a red truck with a roof and two benches built in the back of a pickup truck. Two Chinese tourists with their guns were riding with us.
"Is this your first Songkran?" I asked.
"Yes. We love it!"
As the songthaew drove down the road towards Think Park and the commercial playland of Nimman district, groups that were gathered along the side of the road sprayed water from hoses through the open backdoor of the songthaew, and motorcyclists drove up close and fired their guns at us.
We jumped off. At the major intersection of the superhighway, three of Chiang Mai City's most vibrant properties were bustling with Songkran parties. One Nimman, Think Park, and Maya Mall are all located directly across from each other and all owned by the same person, the lovable moneybags Tan Passakornnatee, though he is known to Thais as Khun Tan ("Mr. Tan"). In addition to the three shopping plazas, he also owns the Eastin Tan Hotel behind One Nimman and the Ichitan tea company that was advertising a honey lemon tea drink with the placement of a large blowup bottle of tea sitting next to a blowup of Mr. Tan himself on top of the hotel in the background of the concert.
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Khun Tan, wearing his trademark sailor’s cap, makes himself the mascot of his own tea company.
Driven by his tea beverage wealth, Khun Tan was estimated by Forbes to be one of Thailand's 50 richest in 2016. His wealth maxed out at $640 million in 2015. That was before he opened One Nimman, an open-air dining and shopping center inside what looks like an old brick church exterior, and only a couple of years after Maya Lifestyle Mall opened; both suffered greatly during the pandemic but have since rebounded with the growth of tourism.
Although he's 65 years old, the man knows how to host a party. One Nimman holds weekly concerts in its courtyard. Think Park has multiple bars with nightly live music. Maya does it hard for new years, loy krathong, and any other festival. And there's no festival bigger than Songkran.
We join the masses crossing the street with guns and walk into Think Park to a barrage of water. We push through the crowd towards the music. A DJ is standing on a high stage, and gunners on platforms are aiming their guns at the crowd. In the crowd, people dance, shoot at each other, and refill their guns in buckets Khun Tan has graciously provided.
Graciously? Look at how packed the bars in Think Park are!
Okay, so Khun Tan's efforts to secure top talent for DJs and dancers and a couple of live bands across the street at Maya were not entirely out of his sheer benevolence (although he does seem like a good guy from his presentation). Not any more than were his giveaways of limousines and cash prizes to lucky customers who purchased his green tea. The 320 ml cans of Singha that cost 34 baht per can at Makro wholesaler cost 70 baht from the licensed vendors here.
"Khun Tan would be a good subject for a billionaire romance novella," I say.
We have given up any desire to shoot people. We just dance and get soaked in the spray. The DJ picks the music that really gets us moving. K-pop. Hip hop. Rnb. Dance. We are shouting "Boombayah!"
I shake my ass towards Nazz. She grabs my shoulders. We change it up. I get behind her and grind into her ass.
"Your ass is so wet," I remark.
"I know. Maybe you'll get to feel how wet it really is."
Even at 6 pm, the place is hopping. I honestly don't want to know what it's like at 10 pm or midnight. From the pictures, it looks like no one can move anywhere. And what's the point of being there if you can't dance with your mistress?
We headed back earlier than the party animals. We had things to do.
Notes
The preceding took place on April 12, which is actually the day before Songkran starts on the traditional calendar. However, the Thai government fixed the start date of the celebrations as April 12 on the Gregorian calendar.
I will write more about Songkran’s wild and wet fun times, and I will publish a novella inspired by Songkran in the coming days.